1. |
Trashcan Heart
04:31
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Well, it's just like my Dad always said
He said, "Son, nice guys finish last, it's the assholes that get ahead
But still be a nice boy, 'cuz you can only count on you
Yeah, your friends will leave you high and dry, and blistered, and blackened, and blue"
It true
Well, it's just like my Ma used to say
Well, she'd say "Son, never pray too hard, 'cuz you're damned anyway
Your life is just a trap from which you can never break free
Yeah, and you'll always be a dumping ground, so be the best dumping ground you can be
Oh, and boy, the girls, they will rock your world
But then in just a little while, they'll tear apart your smile
And before you get old, you will spot the pot of gold
Then when it's within reaching distance, they'll cut off your hand"
Oh, man
Now I am an older, but not much wiser man
But still, I'm wise enough to see my folks just spoke the truth, yeah, they were right all along, God damn
They read me the story, for they knew I'd play the part
Of the boy who must live with the curse of a trashcan heart
'Cuz boy, the girls, they have wrecked my world
And the best friends of mine, they ended up to be slime
But all I touch will break, so beware, and make no mistake
It might be ugly, but it is strong, my trashcan heart
And I know nothing grows from a barren land
And emptiness fills up my heart like a trashcan
But you can't destroy what was broken from the start
So you'll never break my trashcan heart, no
You can push me, I will fall, you can kick me in the balls
You can give my face a smash, you can shove sharp things right up my ass
That wouldn't be so bad, I mean, there's so much worse that I have had
Like being born, then living with my trashcan heart
And I know nothing grows from a barren land
And emptiness fills up my heart like a trashcan
But you can't destroy what was busted from the start
So you'll never break my trashcan heart
No, you'll never break my trashcan heart
No, you'll never break my trashcan heart
No, you'll never break my trashcan heart
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2. |
Oh Boy!
02:43
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Well, I know that that's a dude in drag
But he's still prettier than any girl I've had
His legs are smooth, he's made up so good
And if I could, then Hell yeah, I would
But then my thoughts conflict, but not for long
I wanna get in closer, wanna get it on
So I build up the nerve, walk up, say "Hi"
I can't believe that she's a guy
A poisoned apple, or my sweet cherry pie?
Oh, boy...
He's the prettiest thing I've seen
He's prettier than girls in magazines
He's even prettier than your Mom
Oh Hell yeah, he's da bomb
We laugh laughs and drink more drinks
And I dig her tastes and the way she thinks
Then I think to myself, "Boy, this could be the one
I feel like I've won, fuck yeah!"
Grab her hips, then pull her in tight
Now we're kissing with passion, and the shit feels right
My hands crawl up her skirt, what's that?
There's something there, handle with care
Proceed with caution, or do I even dare?
Oh, boy...
Well now, I don't know, what do I do?
Do I seal the deal, what would Jesus do?
Well, it might feel icky, but it might feel good
I might regret it if I didn't, yeah, I probably would
So I'll give it a go, I mean what do I care?
It's not like we're defined by what's down there
And he's my groovy girl and I'm her lucky dude
And if that causes you a panic, well then you can lick my shoes
We are happy, we're in love having fun
We are harmless, we're not hurting anyone
We all must live together, but acceptance has its foes
There are bigots, there are racists, and homophobic assholes
There is war, there is hunger, there are guns everywhere
But the "Queer Agenda" gives you a bigger scare
There's so much horror you block from your sight
But when it comes to gay equal rights
Well, there's an issue that you're prepared to fight?
Oh, boy...
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3. |
||||
Another year's gone by, and now another one begins
Each day getting closer to the end
It's my birthday and I need to find something to do
I'm tired of this fatigue, need to jump-start my brain
Well, maybe I'll try crack-cocaine
It's my birthday and I wanna try something new
God knows how I got this far; but does he know how I'll go on?
Swig the Jack, light up the bong
It's my birthday and I'm feeling (al)mighty blue
I know that I'll get by, I know I always do
It just gets harder, that seems to be the rule
It's my birthday, what am I gonna do?
It's my birthday, fuck yeah!
FUCK YEAH!
CHORUS:
The stars keep blinking and the sky is falling down
And I know there's an answer, just one that can't be found
So I'll spend my life searching, just taking air and space
When I get to the end, I'll see I lost this race
Then I'll die as I lived, all alone, what a fucking waste
I'm going down that downward spiral, 'cuz I'm looking for a thrill
With whatever time I've got left to kill
It's my birthday and I'm feeling sad, boo-fucking-hoo
My head keeps spinning, yeah, and I don't know what to do
Well, maybe I'll just sniff some glue
It's my birthday and I wanna try something new
Each time another comes, life's closer to being done
No more excitement, no more fun
It's my birthday and I'm feeling mighty blue
I know that I'll get by, I mean shit, I always do
It just gets harder, that seems to be the rule
It's my birthday, what am I gonna do?
It's my birthday, fuck yeah!
FUCK YEAH!
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4. |
So What?
02:54
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So what? Yeah, what does it matter now?
It's over, just like it was in the beginning, well, anyhow
So I'll breathe, yeah, I'll breathe in slow and deep
Breathe in the good then breathe out the bad
Then cry my lonely self to sleep
So what? Yeah so what? Aw, so what? Yeah, so God damn what?
So what, yeah, for a moment it felt so real
'Till reality sent my sanity to fight a battle that's all been uphill
So I drag, yeah, I drag my feet real steep
I'll dig them low and drag them slow, until I'm buried in a heap
So what? Yeah so what? Aw, so what? Yeah, so fucking what?
So what? Yeah, what does it matter now?
Well, it's over, just like it was in the beginning, aw shit, now anyhow
So I'll breathe, yeah, I'll breathe in slow and deep
Breathe in the good then breathe out the bad
Then cry my lonely self to sleep
So what? Yeah so what? Aw, so what? Yeah, so God damn what?
So what? Yeah so what? Aw, so what? Yeah, so God damn fucking what?
So what?
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5. |
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Her low waist jeans give me a rise. Unfortunate for me, I can't find the occasion
To catch her name, or catch her eye. No matter how I try, it's a hopeless situation
She's so hot, yeah, and I am not the kind of suave motherfucker who'll get a shot, no
It's plain to see, that this can't be. The napkin in her hand's the only thing that'll go down on me
CHORUS:
'Cuz she really takes the cake, yeah, well and I am just the crumbs now
That she ain't never gonna taste, she throws me in the waste, she's done
Eating, and what's left gets tossed into the trash
Crumbs like me just get wiped up then slung out real fast
Thrown in a ditch, well, ain't that a bitch?
I'm less than she'll take, 'cuz she just takes the cake
Her miniskirt's hiked so high it hurts. Her legs, like candy canes, glistening and sweet
Her top fits just right, so perfectly tight. She's the apple of my eye, such a nice treat
She's so hip, oh yeah, she's the shit, the kind of hip chick that I would love to hit, yeah
But I can see, that it won't be, I freeze in place with my jaw dropped as she walks right past me
CHORUS:
'Cuz she really takes the cake, yeah, well and I am just the crumbs now
That she ain't never gonna taste, she throws me in the waste, she's done
Eating, and what's left gets tossed into the trash
Crumbs like me just get wiped up then slung out real fast
Thrown in a ditch, well, ain't that a bitch?
I'm less than she'll take, 'cuz she just takes the cake
BRIDGE:
If only life could be like an 80's movie
Where the geeks get the popular girls
Well, that would be so groovy, yeah
Hell yeah, well she's the perfect recipe, she is tasty sugar, and I am the salt
That got in the mix by accident, so now it tastes like shit, and it is all my fault
She's so cool, and I've been the fool, dreaming and praying for a no-can-do
I finally accept, but with much regret, that this won't happen would be the only sure-win bet
CHORUS:
She really takes the cake. I am just the crumbs
She ain't never gonna taste. Throw me in the waste, she's done
Eating, and what's left gets tossed into the trash
Crumbs like me just get wiped up then slung out real fast
Thrown in a ditch, well, ain't that a bitch?
I'm less than she'll take, 'cuz she just takes the cake
She takes the cake, the cake she takes, she takes the cake, and I'm the crumbs now
She takes the cake, the cake she takes, she takes the cake, and I'm the crumbs now
Crumbs keep crumblin', crumbs keep crumblin', crumbs keep crumblin',
I'm the crumbs that keep crumblin',
Crumbs keep crumblin', crumbs keep crumblin',
I'm the crumbs, she takes the cake!
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6. |
Sticky Stuck
02:24
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If you're looking for action, well then look no further
I ain't the guy with a diamond ring
But I got something else that'd go good with your fingers
I wonder if you know what I mean?
You a little too crazy, and I'm much too lazy
For a love that's gonna last
And I keep looking back on just how much I've fucked up
My future's looking just like my past
I was tryin' to get your attention
It's like pissing with an erection
I took up the occasion
Well now I'm stuck in a sticky situation, yeah
Outta luck, sticky stuck
Nothing much beyond touch and lust
A pretty picture painted for me
Now you all fucked up and this is far more complicated
than you said we're gonna be
Go on and eat your words, you're one stone, we're two birds
Splattered simultaneously
And just 'cuz you blow me don't mean you don't own me
It means just like you, I was easy
I was tryin' to get your attention
It's like pissing with an erection
I took up the occasion
Well now I'm stuck in a sticky situation
Dyin' to get your attention
Pissing with an erection
I took up the occasion
Well now I'm stuck in a sticky situation
Yeah
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7. |
Florida Man
04:55
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So I was on the internet just the other day
When I read an article that made me say, "No way!"
It said this man had a plan to get himself fries and a shake
And 'cuz he didn't get a straw, he began to defecate
Right in the middle of McDonald's, it was quite a mess
The smell became unbearable, the customers were distressed
The cops came in, and he resisted the arrest
Then he puked on the officers, but he did it with such zest
I wondered, "Who's this guy?"
He looked so high and fried and
He had missing teeth, and scabs all over his face and two black eyes
I wondered, "What's his name?"
I re-read the article, and it came
To be this man who doesn't give a damn was named
Florida Man
He's Florida Man
So I went on Google and Googled more about this dude
He had so many stories, so many crazed and crude
Like the time he pissed in his boss's drink
Then when he got fired, well he made such a big stink
He went home, grabbed his gun, then went to shoot his boss in the head
Put the gun in his pocket, then leaned down, and shot his dick instead
Or the time he got pulled over for drinking as he drives
He said the charge was bullshit, 'cuz he only swigs at stop signs
I wondered "Who's this guy?"
There's so much logic he defies
Why would I even try to figure out what goes on in his brain?
But still, I am obsessed
And the guy gets so much press
So clearly I am not alone, I can't postpone
Reading about Florida Man
Florida Man says drugs up his ass aren't his
Florida Man fills his neighbor's shampoo with jizz
Florida Man eats the flesh off a stranger's face
When asked why Florida Man says because he thought he'd like the taste
That's Florida Man, just like a villain
In a gnarly movie, and I've become a fan
So, I wanted so badly to meet this guy
I looked for his contact info, it came as a surprise
He lived in so many towns, and always has a different face
It was then that I had realized there just was no way
To track down this man, he's a master of disguise
Yet he gets arrested daily, then tells tall tales and lies
They lock him up, but soon enough he's on the streets again
They can try to hold him down, but they can never beat Florida Man, no!
And I know I can
Be just like Florida Man and
Lose all my senses and act senseless and just not give a damn
Live life as I please
Be a social disease
And take the fame and entertain everyday, yeah
Just like Florida Man
Florida Man starts his day off with Tequila shots
Florida Man sets house on fire while smoking pot
Florida Man always planning his next onslaught
That no one understands except for Florida Man
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8. |
Everybody Poops
02:05
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Anticipate relief and the sound of splashing water
Sometimes it slips with ease, other times you must push harder
When you’re backed up and constipated, it will be a bother
You might grunt, you might moan, you might even holler
Everybody poops
And everybody pinches a loaf
Sitting on the throne from time to time
It doesn’t matter if you’re a king, or just a measly peasant
We all still poop, and the smell can be unpleasant
Kid or adult, woman or man
We all have been pooping since our lives began
Drop the kids off at the swimming pool
Let the logs out, let the turtles loose
Make like Snoop, and ‘Drop it like it’s hot’
Unloose the caboose, yeah, give it all you’ve got
Everybody poops
And everybody plants potatoes
Sitting on the throne from time to time
Yeah, everybody poops
Everybody anal pukes
It isn’t a sin, and it ain’t no crime
Bake a loaf, then blast your butt trumpet
Bomb the bowl with a butt load of nuggets
Dook one out, yeah, drop a brown trout
Do not wipe until all the turds are out
Whether you’re a human or an animal at the zoo
We all must poop, yeah, even fish poop, too
If you’re kinky you can add it to your sex life
Cleveland Steam your husband, or smear it on your wife
Everybody poops
And everybody vacates their bowels
Sitting on the throne from time to time
Everybody poops
And everybody takes a dump
It isn’t a sin, and it ain’t no crime
Plant the potatoes, dook one out
Squeeze the cheese, make a solid fart
Roll out a nut log, ride the hoop
‘Cuz everybody poops!
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9. |
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Well, I painted us a picture, I knew could never be
But still somehow I confused it with reality, silly me
So I'm waiting for an answer, an answer I won't get
It just gives me that much more time to prevent an accident
Hell no, it's no that simple, I'm lost and paranoid
Now I'm asking lots of question, yeah, and shit, you look annoyed
And this hole that I've been digging, it's finally deep enough
For me to sink down, now you can run, and bury me in your dust
CHORUS:
No, you don't have to stay, you can run far away
Out of bounds, lost and never to be found
No, you don't have to stay, you can run far away
Out of bounds, lost and never to be found
Well, I had myself a vision, a foolish fantasy
But still somehow I confused it with what could come to be, stupid me
So I'm waiting for a verdict, a verdict I won't get
There's no jury, and there's no judge, there's no hope, there's just regret
Simplicity is not simple, Hell no, that shit's complex
I try to find some peace of mind, so I can stumble through what's next
This ditch that I've been digging, it's finally wide enough
'For me to lie down, now you can run, and leave me here to rust
CHORUS:
No, you don't have to stay, you can run far away
Out of bounds, lost and never to be found
No, you don't have to stay, you can run far, far, far, far away
Out of bounds, lost and never to be found
Lost and never to be found
Lost and never to be found
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10. |
Whatever You Want
04:40
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You won't be my valentine, no, you won't be a friend of mine
You won't even be an acquaintance, well God damn girl, I'm losing my patience
I could be whatever you want, I could be your beat up trailer in your beat up trailer park
You say you feel no spark, why must you always speak such nonsense talk?
You could do whatever you want, you could give me hugs, or you could beat me up, yeah
Anytime you're down on your luck, well, you can take your shit right out on me
I could be your punching bag, whenever you're cranky, whenever you're on the rag
I won't mind being treated so bad, so long as I'm next to you
I could be your Alter boy, and you the priest who teaches joy
I could be your pimp, and you could me my 'ho, or you the pimp and me the 'ho, either way is cool, yo
You could be my Mom and I could be your Dad, or me your Mom and you my Dad, either way would be so rad
I could be happy or sad, I could be good, but I'm better at being bad
You could do whatever you want, you could dress me like a girl, then do my make-up, yeah
I could be your sissy boy, my degradation is your joy
I could be whatever you want, I could be your little sister who you cruelly tease and taunt
I'll take whatever abuse you've got, if it means being close to you
Don't you think that it is time you showed me yours, 'cuz I've shown you mine
You claim you didn't want me to, well, that's a bullshit lie that I'm seeing right through
I could be whatever you want, I could be exciting, be a bore, fucking crazy, nonchalant
Whatever you want, something to hide, or something to flaunt
You could do whatever you want, you could give me hugs or you could beat me up, yeah
Well, anytime you're down on your luck, well, you can take your shit right out on me
And I will be your punching bag, for the rest of your life, until you're an ugly old hag
I won't mind being treated so bad, so long as I'm next to you
I'll always be whatever you want....
Be whatever you want...
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Christo Renel Sayreville, New Jersey
Christo Renel was found under a rock in the winter of '73. He was placed on a mantel, and displayed as a curious oddity. Slowly he mutated into the form you see today. In the '90s he recorded hundreds of songs on a Tascam Porta 07. After a decades long hiatus, he is back to writing music for your listening displeasure. His first solo album 'Christo Renel Plays in Traffic' will be released in 2020. ... more
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