So I was on the internet just the other day
When I read an article that made me say, "No way!"
It said this man had a plan to get himself fries and a shake
And 'cuz he didn't get a straw, he began to defecate
Right in the middle of McDonald's, it was quite a mess
The smell became unbearable, the customers were distressed
The cops came in, and he resisted the arrest
Then he puked on the officers, but he did it with such zest

I wondered, "Who's this guy?"
He looked so high and fried and
He had missing teeth, and scabs all over his face and two black eyes
I wondered, "What's his name?"
I re-read the article, and it came
To be this man who doesn't give a damn was named
Florida Man
He's Florida Man

So I went on Google and Googled more about this dude
He had so many stories, so many crazed and crude
Like the time he pissed in his boss's drink
Then when he got fired, well he made such a big stink
He went home, grabbed his gun, then went to shoot his boss in the head
Put the gun in his pocket, then leaned down, and shot his dick instead
Or the time he got pulled over for drinking as he drives
He said the charge was bullshit, 'cuz he only swigs at stop signs

I wondered "Who's this guy?"
There's so much logic he defies
Why would I even try to figure out what goes on in his brain?
But still, I am obsessed
And the guy gets so much press
So clearly I am not alone, I can't postpone
Reading about Florida Man

Florida Man says drugs up his ass aren't his
Florida Man fills his neighbor's shampoo with jizz
Florida Man eats the flesh off a stranger's face
When asked why Florida Man says because he thought he'd like the taste

That's Florida Man, just like a villain
In a gnarly movie, and I've become a fan

So, I wanted so badly to meet this guy
I looked for his contact info, it came as a surprise
He lived in so many towns, and always has a different face
It was then that I had realized there just was no way
To track down this man, he's a master of disguise
Yet he gets arrested daily, then tells tall tales and lies
They lock him up, but soon enough he's on the streets again
They can try to hold him down, but they can never beat Florida Man, no!

And I know I can
Be just like Florida Man and
Lose all my senses and act senseless and just not give a damn
Live life as I please
Be a social disease
And take the fame and entertain everyday, yeah
Just like Florida Man

Florida Man starts his day off with Tequila shots
Florida Man sets house on fire while smoking pot
Florida Man always planning his next onslaught
That no one understands except for Florida Man